Well hello everybody! Long time no see or I guess no write… if that counts haha. I realized I haven’t really written anything for over a year and it doesn’t really surprise me as I really haven’t felt like anything special has happened over the past year. But now things are changing and I guess to me that means it is time for a written explanation and story time! And who doesn’t like a good confession of the heart mixed with adventure?

Most of you already know what I am probably going to be writing about since 98% of you follow me on social media and have seen the update post that I will be moving back to America in a little over a month. March is going to be a big transition time for me for sure and though I am a little nervous to go home after almost 2 and a half years I am also so thrilled and excited! Korea has been an absolute adventure and the Lord has really grown me in a lot of different ways… I will get to that later! But in all that growing the Lord showed me a lot of different things about my heart and myself that have led to the decision to move back home. I will say people are the main reason I have chosen to move back and people are also the reason I will miss Korea.

For those of you who don’t know, over the last year and a half I have been living with Koreans and working at a Korean school as the only foreigner and have mostly been speaking Korean for my day to day life unless I have a call with my family or talk to a friend. That is very different from most peoples experience in Korea when they come from abroad. And that has made a very big difference in my time here. I have gotten to experience life as a Korean (to the best of my ability as I am obviously not Korean haha) and that time has really shaped me and also revealed more of who I am. Now as Americans, we are much more used to cultural differences and diversity. That anyone from anywhere can become an American and we would accept that our country is a big melting pot of people. But Korea is a more singular society where they all speak the same language and look similar. So no matter what I do I cannot become Korean. There is real beauty in it. And I love the culture, the people, the food and of course the language and all those things have become a part of me to some extent. And I thank the Lord that I got to have this experience because it is what I asked for and He answered with flying colors! Plus I got to finally use my 8 years of Korean study constantly (sometimes to the point where I just wanted to throw in the towel and only speak English for a bit too though) and I have been so blessed.

However this last 1.5 years has really open my eyes to the fact that I am not Korean. I know this comes as quite a shock to some of you! Though I am convinced inside of me is at least a little bit of Korean-ness that has stuck inside me haha! But I will explain it like this… A deer may head down the mountain, maybe looking for something better, more grass or water or just out of plain curiosity, but eventually they will go back to the mountain. Why? Because that is home and that is where they are from. Because the beauty of the trees and mountains and perhaps even their own herd are there up in the mountains. And trying to make a home in the plains or deserts, though other animals may thrive because that is there home, cannot become the deers home.

Now I cannot actually say that is how deer work as I honestly haven’t been hunting in years and haven’t watched a good deer documentary anytime recently but it is the best example I can give and that I want to give as I have been thinking of the Oregonian mountains and tall pine trees. I see that the Lord has used this time. I have really grown a lot and in a lot of ways I cannot see but I definitely feel different. Different from the me two years ago. Maybe even a little wiser than I was two years ago. Now I wish I could list all the things that the Lord did here like it was a check list and that I completed everything there was to do so now it is time to go home. That going home is like the end to a successful quest – treasure found and the villain beaten – but I actually am not sure what all I was supposed to do here in Korea. The doer in me has a little voice in the back of my mind that says “You’re quitting and that is failure. You’re just giving up because you miss home and your family.” Thankfully the Lord has been working on me to quiet that voice because the peace and excitement I have gotten from the idea of going home cannot compare to the feeling of staying in Korea right now.

I had some very wise people tell me… “You have done a lot of hard things since your dad has died… and it is okay to want to come home.” And that stuck with me… I do not feel like Korea was hard like fighting a battle or traveling to a new land. Korea in someways felt really comfortable and like a second nature. But I think because I didn’t feel like it was hard enough… that I would be weak and a coward. What a lie. Honestly as I am writing this I am just realizing how much pride has been mixed up in all those little lies in my heart and head. The Lord doesn’t call us cowards. He doesn’t call us weaklings and jeer at us to get us going. No, He is gentle with us. And just as a parent knows how each of his children are different and that they need to be spoken to and disciplined differently, I believe the Lord does the same. And so the Lord graciously and gently changed my plans.

I was going to go home just for a visit in March. After I had planned to renew a visa for another year to stay in Korea, of course after I had rented an apartment here and found a new church. However, somehow the Lord made a way for me to go home for Christmas. What started as a joke about me coming home for Christmas (though really came from a deep heartsick longing to see my family) turned into God making a way. And the moment I got with my family again the wheels in my brain started turning. Not because I love everything American or because I hate Korea but simply because I deeply missed my family. And I realized I don’t want to live a life that is constantly separated by an entire ocean between us. Now I will say the two weeks while I was at home the Lord worked quick and hard and worked on my desires. The more I prayed for truth and God’s will the more I had a heart to move home. The deeper and more desperately I prayed for a heart to stay in Korea the deeper my heart desired to be with my family. And finally peace settled and an excitement that blasted the excitement of a new Korean apartment and new job out of the water took place. In the span of 2 weeks I might add. And so I have nothing to say but with confidence, I think the Lord already knew this is what I needed and what He had planned from the beginning.

I love the way the Lord works. I truly do. And I am so grateful He knows me better than I know myself because when I think I should be severely disciplined for my fear or selfishness or pride, He simply gently corrects me and teaches me. He is a good good Father.

Now I am thrilled for this next adventure (because when you walk with the Lord it is always an adventure) and I am also excited for full sized ovens and carpeted bedrooms and even mashed potatoes and green beans. And I hope that there will be more blogs to come and maybe I can just start talking about daily life and not always when I have a huge massive life change haha.

I am coming home. So wherever you maybe I hope you live well and do good and know that the Creator of the Earth and Heavens has written your story. And you cannot mess it up or fail as long as you cling to Him. (I am preaching to myself)

Love you all and blessings.

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.^[a]
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.” – Psalm 91:1-2